Marvin Field Not So Safe

March 31, 2006

BURLINGTON, MA>Nearly 70 degree weather forced three Pounders to leave work and practice at Marvin Field in Burlington on Friday the 31st of March. What started out as your normal "hooky practice session", quickly turned into a chaotic frenzy of verbal and physical violence. The situation though ended as quickly as it started thanks to the help of two Burlington softball league superstars.

"I was simply shagging fly balls when I heard neighbors screaming obscenities at one another. " said Dan Doherty to authorities. "I wanted to go across the street and kick ass and take names. I'm the mother-fucking sheriff of this field" said Chris Doherty to the local media. 

Basically Bryan Riley, Chris Doherty, and Dan Doherty were all witnesses to a large dispute between neighbors across from Marvin Field. The tenants of the section eight housing projects were all liquored up due to the cashing of their welfare check at the end of the month. "You must understand that these very unfortunate people are only victims of society. Paying rent based on your salary, with the taxpayers picking up the balance is great. Every man hits a bump in their life lasting 7 to 8 years of unemployment." said Matt Gillis to CNN (communist news network) in reference to the local dispute.

The Dog Pounds very own Matt Leary was quick to the scene, ending the situation in no time. Aside Matt was Ligers superstar Shawn Kenney, carefully attending to the injured personnel. "The practice was cool, yet the aftermath was even cooler. It was like watching COPS in high definition" said Bryan Riley to Natalie Jacobson of Channel 5 over dinner at the Cafe Escadrille.