Text Box: AMERICAN SOFTBALL ASSOCIATION’S MOST WANTED FUGITIVES

 

 

 

FOR: SENDING FLOWERS TO GUIDI AT WORK. NOT

RETURNING ANY OF LUKE’S EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS.

 

 

FELIX STUART FRENCH


Date of Photograph Unknown

 

Aliases: Mike Bolton, Father Tom, Richard Simmons, Axel Foley,  Mujahid Shaykh,

DESCRIPTION

Date of Birth:

1974

Hair:

Brown

Place of Birth:

Billerica MA

Eyes:

Brown

Height:

5’8” to 5’10”

Complexion:

White

Weight:

Approximately 150 pounds

Sex:

Male

Build:

Thin and creepy

Nationality:

French

Occupation:

Tax Attorney

 

 

Remarks: 

French was turned away from the Dog Pound in May of 2005. He jumped out of the woods and attacked Guidi at second base. Team mate Brian Curtain got jealous and slapped French across the face. French has been stalking the team ever since.

Scars and Marks:

None

CAUTION

 

CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT THE LOCAL UMPIRE OR THE NEAREST POLICE DEPARTMENT.

REWARD

The Rewards For Justice Program, United States Department of State, is offering a reward of up to a free six pack for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of Felix Stuart French. An additional 30 pack will be awarded by Luke Lemelin for the capturing of a pair of his underwear.


June 2005
Poster Revised November 2005