Lemelin Campaign Begins at the Tyngsboro Primary

January 30, 2007

TYNGSBORO, MA> Luke Lemelin began his campaign Saturday night in Tyngsboro. While at the Tyngsboro Primary, Luke worked the room like John Kerry. "He told me that I had no worries about my future with the Dog Pound. I would remain the pitcher and big brother Stephen would play Right field" said Bryan Riley to reporters.

"I later told Matt Gillis that his position was in jeopardy if Luke is coach and just like John Kerry he flipped it and assured Gillis that Stephen would pitch and not play Right Field" said Bryan Riley.

"Where does he stand? Is this the man we truly want as our leader?" said several team members in reference to his constant flip-flopping. Lemelin worked the campaign like a true politician, he was even seen kissing babies. Pathetic. It looked as if Stephen will steal someone's position if he is coach, yet Luke ensured everyone that there job isn't in jeopardy. Is this possible, I think not.

"I don't want to talk about Stephen anymore. He will play where he is needed. Once I'm named coach, I will reveal my true plan. The real issue is the "Doherty Conspiracy". This must be stopped. Everywhere I look, I see Doherty's. They are basically terrorists, aiming at taking over the Dog Pound. Next thing you know, the Dog Pound will be forced to drink only Miller Lite, eat potatoes, and bang fat broads from UNH. We must stop this now. They are terrorists" said an upset Luke Lemelin to the public.

Although Luke was riding the fence all night, he may be the only option. There currently are no other canidates for this position. Can he make a stand or do we need someone else? Let your voice be heard.